Maria S

Posted on 3/08/10

I think if school professionals, teachers, counselors and administrators
make building and maintaining positive relationships with students a
priority, they will have more success when trying to get information
about and/or confront students involved in difficult, offensive, or even
illegal types of situations. Establishing a school culture where
faculty, staff, and students feel understood, safe, and supported is
critical.

On 3/06/10, Been There wrote:
> I didn't mean to suggest that the students be interogated. What I
> meant was to find private opportunities outside the classroom to
> gently probe about the situation. By gradually introducing
> questions about the incident after a more casual conversation can
> help students be more forthcoming with their responses. If the
> students are intimidated by the offender then it's highly unlikely
> that anyone would speak up in front of the whole class.
>
> On 3/05/10, MM wrote:
>> How awful for the child involved. Be careful about peppering
>> them with questions and carrying the inquisition too far. How
>> would you feel if you were called into the office of the
>> principal, alone at age 10, and told to get down on your knees
>> and swear on a bible that you were not the one who did a similar
>> thing? And you cried and pleaded that you did not. And how would
>> you feel if this happened with no one else present, that no one
>> in your home was told of it, and that no one ever was told that
>> they'd found a culprit, or that they knew you were not the
>> perpetrator? And these adults were so sure that they had their
>> person. A kid may try to be helpful and suggest something or
>> reason for the incident and then be blamed. It is probably time
>> to let the parents of all the kids know that there has been an
>> incident. I don't think I'd be sitting back and doing nothing if
>> a teacher told my child that she was sure he did something.
>> Don't you think you have an obligation to contact the pareent in
>> this case and let them know what you said to the child and about
>> the spelling and led you to say it? And, wouldn't another child
>> be able to spell incorrectly when commiting an act like that?
>>
>> On 3/05/10, Been there wrote:
>>> My experience is that kids won't speak up in a big group.
>>> They may even be afraid of the offender. What I suggest you
>>> do is try to talk to the students 1:1 in private, starting
>>> with the more impulsive or talkative kids. Begin the
>>> discussion with small chit-chat and then when you ease into
>>> the more serious territory the tight lips seem to loosen up!
>>> The kids don't know what each other are saying and they worry
>>> that they might get blamed. Just pepper the students with 101
>>> questions and information will emerge. Each student will
>>> leave a clue behind, yet think they haven't revealed
>>> anything. Before you know it you'll have the full picture.
>>>
>>> After the culprit is identified and appropriate discipline
>>> and apologies are rendered you should consider holding a
>>> school-wide student centered program centered around positive
>>> character building, with special focus on this classroom.
>>> This will offset parental concerns, both the girl's and
>>> others who have by now heard of the story, about how the
>>> school managed the situation. My daughter was sexually
>>> harrassed by a male student in middle school, which the whole
>>> family found quite upsetting. However, when the school called
>>> to say they were moving up an already scheduled sexual
>>> harrassment workshop from spring to late fall, we felt more
>>> confident that the school was on top of the situation.
>>>
>>> On 3/05/10, Aunt Kack wrote:
>>>> Any suggestions on how to get to the bottom of a situation
>>>> when the students in the class are "mum"? Usually I'm
>>>> pretty good at this but can't seem to make a break in this
>>>> case!
>>>>
>>>> Someone (perhaps 2-3 someones) scratched inappropriate
>>>> comments of a sexual nature about a female classmate into
>>>> the wooden bathroom door in the classroom. (This is 5th
>>>> grade). The girl found it horribly embarrassing and her
>>>> parents are understandably upset. The teacher held a class
>>>> meeting and talked about the inappropriateness of the
>>>> comments (and defacing school property). She had each of
>>>> the kids write her a note about it; usually at this point
>>>> one or two kids point the finger at the culprit. No names
>>>> came forward.
>>>>
>>>> We did a spell check because the girl's name is spelled
>>>> wrong in one of the sentences on the bathroom door. Only
>>>> one student in the classroom spelled her name the same
>>>> (wrong) way when we did the spell check -- however he
>>>> totally denied any part in it. I even told him I had reason
>>>> to believe he did it because of the notes his classmates
>>>> wrote but he continued to deny.
>>>>
>>>> We did a handwriting check. There are a few other suspects
>>>> as a result of doing this, but again, no one will fess up.
>>>>
>>>> Talked to the whole class; told them my standard speech
>>>> about if you do something wrong you're going to get in
>>>> trouble; do something wrong and lie about it you're going
>>>> to get in worse trouble. Nothing. Talked to the whole class
>>>> about standing up for the underdog (the girl in this case)
>>>> and how you would feel if this was your name on the door;
>>>> in their notes they agreed but again, no one came forward.
>>>> I told them that I knew someone in the class knew who did
>>>> it and that they could have the weekend to think about it.
>>>>
>>>> Not sure where to go from here. We've already talked to
>>>> this class about sexual harassment earlier this semester
>>>> and sent a letter home to all of the parents.
>>>>
>>>> The girl's mom asked if we could offer a reward leading to
>>>> the "capture and conviction" of the culprit(s). She smiled
>>>> as she said it but I knew what she meant. Told her that I,
>>>> too, needed the weekend to think about it.
>>>>
>>>> Ideas? Thanks!!!!! Have a great weekend.

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