@Another ELAR teacher:
Thank you for your positive thoughts. It felt good reading the
first line of your response :) I will most definately take your
words to heart as I venture on today...the first day of my new
assignment. I do still have one concern, however, regarding your
advice of staying clear of the teacher's lounge: I tried that on
my first assignment...I stayed clear of everyone, just smiling,
but keeping to myself, (which I prefer not for social reasons,
but because after being surrounded by voices all day long, I
really need the "quiet time" lunch/off period provides to collect
my thoughts and get ready for the rest of the day) but all the
other teachers do collaborate during those times in the lounge,
and that was when they formed their "cliques", which I do not
wish to be part of...but at the end of the day, it seemed to be
my downfall...not being "social" enough. My second assignment, as
I had learned from my first, I made it a point to attend the
lounge during lunch, and made a few "friends"...so I thought
(that assignment was when I was indoctorined to the
concept "frienemies"). That assignment I "fit in" much better
than my first, but made the wrong "frienemey" who went out of her
way to sabatoge my efforts at every opportunity she had...to this
day, two years later, I still have no idea why. She would tell
anyone who gave her an ear how incompetent I was...and she was my
dept. chair! She even substituted for my class once and told my
students that I was incompetent, and that everything I had taught
them thus far was garbage (she told them this a week before taks,
no less!) but for some reason, she had already gotten to my
principal, and at the end of the day, I was the one out of a job.
Heck, 3 of my coworkers independently noticed her bullying
tactics on me and spoke up for me (without my asking them to) to
the principal...and they too, were non-renewed because of it.
This is what I am afraid of. In a nutshell. I can handle those
who have personal issues that they wish to vent on to me...as
long as it stays personal and doesn't interfere with my career.
Before I knew she was talking about me to my supervisors, it was
too late. She had already poisoned their minds (I can only
speculate, considering the unethical behaviors she demonstrated
in front of me,(threatening me), in front of my peers (trash-
talking me), and in front of my students (telling them my degree
wasn't worth the 50 cents she uses to buy her cokes), and they
still felt that it was I who was the problem. Heck, my principal,
when telling me he chooses not to renew me told me he was under
the impression my co-workers and I were in a "coo", because none
of us could tolerate her behavior against me. I'm praying that
what happened at this school was one of those 1 in a million
circumstances, and that most administrators would look at the
situation like my Dad said they would: "No supervisor wants to
listen to an employee whine about another." (which is why I never
complained about her treatment of me (bullying) until her actions
had a direct affect on my peer/student relations. But...even when
my co-workers complained for me (because I refused to, via my
dad's advice)...the principal let us all go instead of just her
(for we must have been in a "coo")
Apologies for my whining...once bit, twice shy...that whole
thing, and I'm just terrified this will happen again, and I don't
know how to prevent it. I realize not everyone will like me, and
I won't like everyone...but I really need to learn how to put
others at ease around me, even if they don't like me, they don't
need to feel threatened by me to the extent that they feel the
urge and need to ruin my career for their own personal reasons.
At any rate, wish me luck, and again, thank you so much for your
kind words! Today is a new day, a new adventure, and I need to
keep my head up, smile on my face...and try, hard as I can, not
to prematurely "punnish" the new faces for another's bad
behavior. (follow my own advice when I tell my students..."I'm
sorry if someone has upset you, please try to remember that I am
not that person who upset you")
On 8/19/12, Another ELAR teacher wrote:
> On 8/19/12, ELAR Teacher wrote:
> As an experienced teacher, I am thrilled at your post. You
> are asking the right questions which shows that you are going
> to be fantastic!! (Think of your student who asks the right
> questions about the characters/theme of a selection. Yes,
> he/she gets it!).
>
> Your self-awareness will serve you well in this job. My
> suggestion is to just smile at everyone!!! Don't worry about
> the negative people as they are at every campus. Just listen
> and learn as much as you can. As for help, solict advice from
> the people of authority. As for an appointment, express you
> concerns succinctly and some ideas that you have read or heard
> about, then ask if they agree or disagree with your ideas. Be
> open to suggestions and USE them. It is the administrators
> job to help you-let them and don't wait too late. You may
> also ask teachers if you can come in and observe them. I do
> this with my new teachers who are struggling but would love
> for them to come to me with the suggestion.
>
> Do not engage in any negative talk in the hallway or the
> lounge. Frankly, I would stay away from both.
>
> Good luck!!
>
>
>
>
> Good Morning,
>>
>> I am beginning a new position with a new district starting
>> tommorrow, and I am very excited, as I believe I have
>> finally found my new "home". However, being fully aware of
>> the challenges my position holds, coupled with my own
>> personal deficits that I need to work on on a daily basis,
>> I could really use and would appreciate any and all
>> constructive advice from administrators such as yourselves.
>>
>> 1.) My biggest problem is know how to deal
>> with "frienemies". Heck, I've just recently learned this
>> concept exists! Never in my pre-teaching jobs have I
>> encountered someone who talked to me like they were my best
>> friend, just to gain my confidence, then turn around and do
>> all they can to sabatoge my career by speaking negatively
>> about me to my peers/administrators. I myself am dealing
>> with the morality of this concept. It's one thing to be
>> pleasant to those you don't care for, for the sake of
>> professionalism...but to feign a friendship and then betray
>> that friendship is beyond me. I could really use some
>> advice on how to detect and handle this concept in my new
>> job.
>>
>> 2.) How to "fit in" and stay under the radar...yet making
>> sure I do the best job I can. I am, and have always been,
>> an "over-achiever". I'm not as intelligent as most...as I
>> tell my students: "no, life is NOT fair...some of us really
>> do have to work harder than others". I am one of those that
>> really do have to work harder...and sometimes my efforts
>> get misconstrued by others...that old addage: "she makes us
>> look bad" because I bust my hump everyday. It is not my
>> intention to make anyone "look bad". I really don't concern
>> myself with the quality of another's work, only my own. As
>> I said, I have high expectations for myself, and I have
>> always busted my hump to not only meet those expectations,
>> but to exceed them. I've always been the kid who, if I got
>> a 97 on an assignment, I will beat myself up over those 3
>> missed points. I do not wish to change this about my work
>> ethics, for it is my students who benefit from it, and they
>> who will suffer if I resort to doing "just what is expected
>> of me". Yet, at the same time, I do not wish to intimidate
>> or frustrate any of my peers...for this creates
>> the "frienenemies" concept previously stated. I could
>> really use some advice on how to maintain my work ethics
>> without compromising positive peer relations.
>>
>> 3.) When I do need help: And I'm sure I will. I am
>> terrified about the moments and classes that I may not be
>> able to reach...I have never before been reluctant to ask
>> for advice or help, yet, things seem so different in the
>> school setting. Asking for assistance in a lesson or
>> classroom management seems to be the "weapon" others choose
>> to use to hurt my career. Yet, at the same time, I've been
>> told to NEVER admit a problem I have to the admin. for they
>> will automatically assume I am incompetent. I usually do
>> have decent classroom management...but there are times,
>> like over this past summer school session, in which I had
>> one class, that no matter what I did, I could not "manage"
>> successfully. Who to I go to for help, should this occur
>> again?
>>
>> Anyway, thank you for your help and advice. I am really
>> excited about my new position, and could really use some
>> advice on how to manage my own behavior and thought
>> patterns to avoid reoccurring issues I've had in the past.
>>
>> As my father once told me: "The whole world can't be wrong
>> and you right." Considering that these issues continue to
>> plague me, no matter where I go...the problem must be with
>> me, and not my peers/admin.
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